Colossians Exposed (Part 1)

Paul's Epistle to the Colossians Exposed

I again remind the reader that because Paul includes himself wherever he said "us," "we" or "our," I sometimes replace those words with I, Me, or My so that the reader has a better view of Paul's absurd bragging rites.

1.1 From: Me, Myself, and I Paul. I am the Great Apostle of Jesus Christ. The will of God chose Me to be the Great Apostle of Jesus Christ. This letter is also from My Christian brother Timothy.
2 To: the saints and faithful brothers in Colosse who are in Christ.
Grace and peace be unto you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
3 I give thanks to God and to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. I always pray for you saints and faithful Christian brothers of Colosse 4ever since I heard about your faith in Christ Jesus and the love you have for all the saints.
5 I also heard about your love for the hope which is laid up in storage for you in Heaven. You heard about that hope before when you heard Me preach the Word of the Truth of the Gospel.

Actually, Christians are the prisoners of hope to whom God through the prophet Zechariah refers.

"Turn you to the strong hold, the Gospel, you prisoners of hope. Even today do I declare that I will render double the trouble unto you that you have rendered unto others." Zechariah 9.12

Christians are the prisoners of hope because Paul, citing the word 47 times in his letters, stresses the importance of Christians having hope. Paul emphasized hope because he knew that -- due to their obedience to his own dogma -- Christians would suffer much due to their not experiencing God's blessings. Therefore, he presented Heaven as a pie-in-the-sky reward that people only experienced in the hereafter, not in the here-and-now. Due to their belief in Paul, Christians:

  • lack experiential knowledge of God,
  • have not gained salvation, and therefore
  • cling to the HOPE that Paul's promises that they have gained salvation and will get to enter the Heaven of the afterlife are true.

That the Christians are prisoners of hope relates to Christianity being a humongous prison that locks people into holding to false beliefs and treats its perishoners like captives who are meant to slave away serving the wants of its priestatutes. What else does the warden of your prison of hope have to say, Christian? This.

6 The Word of the Truth of the Gospel is come unto you through Me as it is in all the world. The Word of the Truth of the Gospel brings forth fruit in all the world as it also does in you ever since the day you heard of it through Me and knew the grace of God in Truth.

Do you Christians yet deny that Paul set himself up as the bearer of the Gospel and therefore your Savior? If so, read on.

7 You learned the Word of the Truth of the Gospel from your faithful minister of Christ and My dear fellow servant Epaphras, too. 8Epaphras also declared to us your love in the Spirit for Me and Timothy.
9 Ever since the day I first heard of this cause, I also do not cease to pray for you. The cause to which I refer is your love in the Spirit for Me. I also desire that:
  • You might be filled with the knowledge of God's will. [Mind you, Paul addressed this letter to his Christian "saints." One would think that legitimate saints would already possess knowledge of God's will, eh?]
  • You might possess all wisdom and spiritual understanding like I do.
  • 10 You might walk worthy of the Lord. [If the people Paul addressed were saints, they would be walking the Walk that makes humans worthy of God's love, would they not, anonymous?]
  • You might be pleasing to everybody. Yea, being a people-pleaser is required of being a child of God, so go along with the crowd living a lie and lying like Hell. Live your life by trying to make other people like you and love you. Tell other people what they WANT to hear, not what they need to hear. Don't believe anybody who says that in order to serve God for real, we must be willing to speak truthfully and let other people hate us. Such a person does not know what he is talking about! Heh-heh.

Oh, really? Does any of this ring a bell, Christian?

"You shall be hated of all men for my name's sake, but he that endures to the end shall be saved. But when they persecute you in this city, flee you into another, for verily I say unto you, 'You shall not have gone over the cities of Israel till the Son of man be come.'
The disciple is not above his Master, nor the servant above his Lord. It is enough for the disciple that he be as his Master, and the servant as his Lord. If they have called the Master of the house Beelzebub, how much more shall they call them of His household? Fear them not, therefore, for there is nothing covered that shall not be revealed, and hidden that shall not be known. Matthew 10.22-26
Nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom, and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes in diverse places. All these are the beginning of sorrows. Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you. And you shall be hated of all nations for my name's sake.
And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another. And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many. And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold. But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved. Matthew 24.7-13
These things I command you, that you love one another. If the world hates you, you know that it hated me before it hated you.
If you were of the world, the world would love his own, but because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.
Remember the word that I said unto you, 'The servant is not greater than his Lord.' If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also.
But all these things will they do unto you for my name's sake, because they know not Him that sent me. If I had not come and spoken unto them, they had not had sin, but now they have no cloke for their sin.
He that hates me hates my Father also. If I had not done among them the works which none other man did, they had not had sin, but now have they both seen and hated both me and my Father.
But this comes to pass that the Word might be fulfilled that is written in their law, 'They hated me without a cause.'" (Psalm 69.4) John 15.17-25

Since you Christians obviously do not believe the Savior, then I challenge you again to take a test. Keep your focus on letting every word that comes out of your mouth be the truth, and do so knowing that being rigorously honest includes sharing what we are really thinking and feeling with others. How are you doing? Do you still have a job? Are you still married? Do you have any friends? Are your children embarrassed by you? How often does your mom slap you for your honesty?

Nay, nay, NAY! Thou shalt NOT believe Jesus! Your being a codependent, popular people-pleaser who is loved by everyone is absolutely essential to your gaining salvation! Besides, I LOVE you Christian saints of Colosse SO MUCH that you should pay MUCH more attention to Me than you do to Jesus. In fact I love you so much that I further desire that:
  • You might be fruitful in every good work (which is impossible if you're a people-pleaser. Heh-heh.)
  • Your knowledge of God increases (which is impossible if you believe Me. Heh-heh.)
  • 11You will be strengthened with all might according to His glorious power (which is impossible if you believe Me because you won't even make direct, conscious contact with God, let alone be strengthened by Him, you suckers! Heh-heh.)
  • You gain all patience and long suffering.
  • You patiently endure long suffering with joyfulness, (because anybody who believes and obeys Me is going to suffer for a very, very long time, you suckers! Heh-heh.) 12And while you are patiently enduring long suffering, that
  • you make sure to give thanks to the Father for making you suffer for so long, (because you cannot be a Christian Hellion without being a suffering slob, you suckers! And when you grow weary of suffering, then make sure you blame God for your suffering, not Me, you suckers! Heh-heh.)
God the Father has made Me to be worthy to be the partaker of the inheritance of the saints who walk in the Light. COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO-DOOOOOOO! 13He has delivered Me from the power of darkness, and has translated Me to make Me and My babble fit into the Kingdom of His dear Son. 14I also have redemption through the blood of God's Son. I even have the forgiveness of My sins through His blood.

Aw, don't you Xians just love being fixated on the blood of Christ? "Yum, yum!" eh?

15 Jesus Christ is the image of the invisible God. Jesus Christ is also the firstborn of every creature, so if snakes, spiders, bats, and cockroaches give you the willies, just think of them as Jesus' offspring. Heh-heh.
16 After all, all things were created by Jesus. Yesiree, Jesus created everything in Heaven and earth, including both visible and invisible things. And the things He created include thrones, dominions, principalities, and powers, so if you hate Hitler, Pol Pot, Idi Amin, Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden, the power of the Spanish Inquisition, the power behind the Christian crusaders, the terroristic actions of the conquistadores, the Ku Klux Klan, the Mafia, etc., blame Jesus, not Me. After all, He is their Creator, because all things were created by Him and for Him. See how self-serving and self-promoting He is? Heh-heh. 17Furthermore, Jesus is before all things, and by Him all things consist. [Sic, sic, sick!]
18 Jesus is the head of the body, and the body is My church known as Christianity. Jesus is the beginning of life on Earth, and the first to be born from the dead. The reason Jesus is the beginning and the first to be born from dead stuff is so that He might have the preeminence in all things. See, when My Catholic priests are molesting your sons, or you are being terrorized by the Ku Klux Klan, Jesus is really the perpetrator, because through their actions, He is merely expressing His preeminence over My priests and Klansmen. Heh-heh.
19 Why is Jesus the beginning and the first to be born from dead stuff? Because it pleased the Father that all fulness would dwell in Jesus, that's why. 20See, God has made peace with mankind by means of Jesus' blood that dripped onto the cross when He was crucified. The blood that stuck to the cross then enables God to reconcile all things unto Himself by means of Jesus. Ain't that swell? Those things that are reconciled to God by means of Jesus' cross include things in earth and things in Heaven. See how smart I am. Aren't you brothers of Colosse grateful that you are gaining so much wisdom and knowledge from Me? Heh-heh.

And that makes sense to you, does it, Christian? Well, just in case you have not read it before, or you did but it did not sink in, let's repeat the explanation of the image of the beast given in Revelation 14.9-12.

14.9 And the third angel followed them saying with a loud voice, "If any man worships the beast and his image, and receives his mark in his forehead or in his hand, 10the same shall drink of the wine of the wrath of God which is poured out without mixture into the cup of His indignation. 11And he shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels and in the presence of the Lamb. And the smoke of their torment ascends up forever and ever. And they have no rest day or night who worship the beast and his image, and whosoever receives the mark of his name." 12Here is the patience of the saints. Here are they that keep the commandments of God and the faith of Jesus.

The beast is the great apostate Paul. To have the beast's mark in one's forehead is to believe Christian dogma, whereas to have the beast's mark in one's hand is to mold one's behaviors according to Christian dogma. In the process, the Christian is sick, sick, sick (666) from head to toe.

The image of the beast is the graven image of Christianity, the cross. So smitten are the Christians by Paul's poison that they worship the very instrument of capital punishment by which the Son of God was so horribly tortured and murdered. Even though nearly all Christians deny that they worship the cross, they do indeed. While the Catholics pig out on their Feast of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross, the Protest ants sing:

"On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross, the emblem of suffering and shame.
It was there on that cross that the dearest and best for a world of lost sinners was slain.
I'll cherish the old rugged cross 'till my trophies at last I lay down.
I will cling to the old rugged cross, and exchange it some day for a crown."

So you cherish the old rugged cross, eh, Christian? Have you ever stopped to think how insane your worshiping, exalting, feasting on, and cherishing the cross is? Heavy-duty bad guys slaughtered the Savior on that filthy thing, you know.

As if idolizing the cross weren't bad enough, the Christians actually label the day the Lord was crucified "Good Friday!" GOOD Friday? What is good about it?

You don't think there is anything wrong with worshiping the Lord's death, do you, Christian? After all, all that blood shed by His executioners supposedly saves you from having to suffer the consequences for your sins, right? Then how about considering a "what if." What if a criminal broke into your home to steal your stuff, and in the process shot and murdered your son. Then suppose that all the people who claimed to love your son began expressing their love by adoring the gun with which your son was murdered. Would that make a bit of sense to you? Would you really believe that such gun-worshipers truly loved your son? Can you not see how the Christian image of the cross as an instrument of holiness is sheer insanity? No?

Okay, let's try another "what if." What if the Son of God had come at a later time in history and had been murdered by another means?

1) Had He been shot before a firing squad, you Christians really would be exalting the gun as a holy instrument. Instead of crosses, graven images of rifles would be shooting up all over your churches, cemeteries, and hospitals. Instead of crossing yourselves, you Catholics would be making the sign of the gun, "Pow! Pow!" And when you priests blessed your perishoners, you would be making the sign of the gun with the barrel pointed straight at your blessee.

2) Had the Lord been murdered by means of lethal injection, you Christians would be worshiping hypodermic needles and cyanide. Instead of making the sign of the cross, you'd shoot up. Rather than celebrating the FEAST OF THE EXALTATION OF THE HOLY CROSS, you Catholics would be pigging out on the FEAST OF THE EXALTATION OF THE HOLY CYANIDE. Yum, yum. (Hmm. Come to think of it, the doper Jim Jones and his Christian followers already did that, eh?)

On the other hand, you might still be worshiping the cross, but in the shape of the skull and crossbones symbolic of the logo that identifies bottles of poison. And why not? That logo looks so much like Paul's chi rho cross, and is certainly representative of the venomous dogma of that double-crossing snake-in-the-grass.

3) Had the Lord been murdered in the electric chair, instead of singing this:

"When I survey the wondrous cross on which the Lord was crucified,
Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast save in the cross of Christ my God!"

you Protest ants would be crowing,

"When I survey the wondrous chair in which the Lord was electrified,
Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast save in the chair where Jesus was wired!"

Instead of GOOD FRIDAY you Christians would be celebrating GOOD! HE WAS FRIED DAY! Graven images of Old Sparky would be marking your graves, dangling around your necks, and plastered to the walls of your churches and hospitals. And in place of those little plastic cards that read:

I asked Jesus, "How much do you love me?"
Jesus said, "This much," and then He spread out His arms and died for me.

your hog-calling cards would read,

I asked Jesus, "How much do you love me?"
Jesus said, "This much," and then He went, "Bzzzzzzzzzt!" and fried for me.

Oh, but there's nothing wrong with you, eh, Christian? It's all everybody else's fault that you are such a wretch, eh? You death-of-the-Savior-worshiping numbskulls!

Take heed, people. When the Lord tells us to take up the cross and follow Him, He is telling us to endure the horrific persecution that CHRISTYINS and all the other religious bitter-bellies who love to hate dish out.

And when the Lord tells us that He sheds His blood for the remission of sins, He is referring to the comforts of the Comforter; i.e., His Spiritual blood, the Lifeblood of salvation. He feels like zillions of tiny air bubbles flooding through our bloodstream. Ah, the Wine of Life!

At the end of the Lord's ministry in the flesh, He had to return to the Spirit in order to send us the flood of His Spiritual blood to educate, enLighten, refresh, and reward us for good works. The only question was how He was going to return to Spirit form. That question had already been answered through the prophets of the Old Testament. He would be crucified. Why?

  • To show us by example how far we must be willing to take our loyalty to God in order to gain salvation.
  • Because God gives mankind free will, and we adults are absolutely / abSAULlootly depraved and filled with bizarre cruelty without the Lord ruling over us. God sees the future and saw His Son being crucified. He recorded those future events, and played those Spiritual videotapes for the prophets in the prophets' mind's eye to show them His Son's crucifixion. In turn, the prophets wrote down what they saw and heard for us, thereby PROVING to us that they were really, truly, genuinely Spirit-led.
  • Because God loves justice. People left to live by self-will run riot have always murdered God's Truth-bearers, the prophets. God could not allow the prophets to be murdered just because they carried the Spirit of the Son of man inside themselves, and then turn around and not allow the Spirit of the Son of man to be murdered when He came in His own flesh. You dig?

Jesus had the power to stop His own crucifixion at any time. He chose to endure it, however, in loyalty to God, the prophets, and us. Had He chosen to intervene with mankind's self will run riot, then all the work He had already performed through the prophets would have been for naught. If what they had seen of future events had not been fulfilled, we would be hard-pressed to know the prophets are real, nor would we trust the rest of the Doctrine that the Master spoke to us through them.

The bottom line is that in no way does the physical blood shed by the Son of God the day He was so horribly tortured, mutilated, and murdered save anybody from their sins! Every person who gains salvation MUST experience the comforts of the Comforter -- the Spiritual Lifeblood of the Son of God -- flooding through his own bloodstream. If you lack that experience, you have not gained salvation PERIOD!

And any person who wants salvation MUST keep/obey the commandments of God and the faith (trust and belief in, loyalty and obedience to) Jesus Himself. Turn directly to Him, not your priests, preachers, monks, false prophets, etc. Believe and obey the Master. DO THE WORKS, and then you shall gain salvation for real.

Now to all you Christians who get it, and are now in extreme genuine grief for your having exulted in the death of the Savior, I say, "Good for you!" If your shame and mourning is genuine, God shall be satisfied, and is about to draw you into redemption. Is that what I want? You bet that's what I want. I want everybody everywhere to gain salvation. Besides, think it through people. Just about everybody knows that if everybody believed and obeyed the Master, planet Earth would be a magnificent place in which to live!

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